Graduation Day #1: She Did It

Earlier this month we took a trip to England. Yes, it was a break from work and definitely part vacation, but the real reason for the trip was to attend a very special ceremony.

My wife graduated with her Master's degree from Oxford University.

And yes…that sentence still feels totally weird to type.

She spent two hard years putting in the work, reading the books, writing the papers, wrestling with ideas, building relationships, defending a thesis and earning a degree from one of the most prestigious universities in the world.

I have had the privilege to watch this woman for years as she did many things well. Yes, we raised a family together, but don't kid yourself. Everyone knows that Kendra "runs this place." In other words, she is the one doing the real work to make our house function and flow. She did the vast majority of the heavy lifting when it came to schooling our kids. She continues to show up in ways and do the things that most people never see and rarely appreciate.

But there was something totally different about watching her in this season of her life.

She came alive. From the spark of the idea back in college to all of the years wondering if she would return to school to filling out the application, each step was a rekindling of her passion to study.

Every time Kendra talked about a paper she was writing, an author or artist or piece of history she was studying, a text loop with classmates on WhatsApp, a breakthrough idea in her thesis, or some odd little Oxford detail from halfway around the world…I could feel it. She was engaged. She was lit up. She was fully in it.

Watching that from the sidelines was one of my favorite parts of this experience and I loved having a front row seat to see her thrive.

Along the way, and specifically when hearing about her graduation, people have said things to me like, "Well, good for you for letting her do that."

And I have to tell you…that always lands wrong with me.

Letting her?

No. We didn't approach it like that. I was as motivated for Kendra to get her masters as I was to ride my motorcycle to Montana. My excitement wasn't just for her to "do her thing." I was all in before the beginning. Happy to support it. Happy to cheer it on. I wanted to juggle life here so she could immerse herself there. She didn't thumb her nose at us and pursue her path, but this also wasn't about me agreeing to this and "letting her" do this. If anything I would like to think I was pushing her onto this path and rebuffing every excuse she gave.

But even then, I don't get credit for that either, because that's what we've been doing for 35 years for one another. And, if I'm being really honest, that equation has been heavily weighted toward me.

If anything should be said, it's this: my wife has supported my career for 30 years.

But this accomplishment. This was hers. It was her courage to apply. Her willingness to step into a world that felt big and unfamiliar. Her traveling across the country and navigating planes, trains and buses. Her self-discipline to study and read and write and manage life while earning a master's degree. These were her friendships and her relationships with her cohort. It was her thesis and her work and her degree. I was in the stands cheering her on, but I didn't run the race.

One of my favorite parts was watching her leave every few months and enter an entirely different world of classmates that have now become lifelong friendships. That was fascinating and I have loved getting to watch it happen.

Probably my favorite part was watching the deep thinking student reemerge. It has always been there, but was simply put on the back burner while raising kids and supporting me. Watching those parts of her step forward again has been amazing.

Here is to my super smart wife! Congratulations Kendra! I can't wait to see what comes next.

Quietly making noise,
Fletch