SquareSpace for serious bloggers!Another Day in the Land of Genius
Friday, January 13, 2012 at 6:01AM I hate ridiculous laws. I also hate inconsistency. California is home to both.
For the past few years, the most ridiculous inconsistent law I have found involves our cell phone/speaking/driving laws. Like many states, California requires drivers to use a "hands-free" device when speaking on the phone and driving. Law enforcement officers are quick to write a citation if the driver is even holding their phone while driving.
Here's where it gets good. California drivers are free to eat a hamburger, chew on fries, and slurp on a coke while casually talking to everyone in the car. If they want, they can even drink scalding hot coffee from McDonalds while manuvering their car through traffic, but when it comes to their portable phones, drivers need to make certain to connect with a hands-free device.
This is the real kicker: Drivers must use a "hands-free" device to talk on their phone and when they do not have a "hands-free" connection, they need to put their phone down (probably next to the cup of coffe that they are free to pick up whenever they want. Phone = Bad, Coffee = Good
That's when the following piece of brilliance hit me.
The Hands-Free Coffee Phone
I've provided the step by step guide below.
Step 1: Acquire and finish your favorite coffee drink in a medium sized paper cup. For this example, I finished a Grande Cappucino from Starbucks. Yummy!
Step 2: Clean and dry your cup. Get your phone.
Step 3: Turn your phone to Speaker setting and drop it into the empty cup.
Step 4: Pretend to drink from the cup as you drive, but speak into the cup as you drive. To pull this off, you have to look like you are drinking. The sound generated will be amplified throughout the cup (added bonus!).
Step 5: Think to yourself, what other kind of stuff does Fletch have locked away in that brain of his. Then call me (with your Hands-Free Coffee Cup Phone) to thank me.
Technically this works, because you are not touching the phone with your hands (just the cup), making the phone truly "hands-free" and we all know that holding a coffee cup while we drive is legal. As the Looney Tunes genius, Wild E. Coyote, would say, "Brilliance. Sheer unadulterated brilliance."
Quietly making noise,
Fletch
Fletch in Fletch, theMT Recommendations
Reader Comments (12)
so, the next time I'm tooling down the road and see a guy talking to his coffee, I'll have to ask myself, "Is he using his hands free coffee phone, or is he just crazy?". Cue Jon Troast singing, "He's crazy, but he's serious".
Driving without a drink means driving while bent back over the seat desperately trying to grab a loose sippy cup to appease a screaming toddler while keeping one eye on the road. Driving with one means I can be in my happy place and ignore the fussing from the back seat.
PLEASE remove this post before the lawmakers see it and say we can't have drinks either!!!
Sincerely,
A mom who's current version of hands-free is using an 8 year old as a middle-man and hoping he doesn't add too many of his own opinions into the conversation.
Wow! This is great. I did some research and found out you failed to patent your coffeecup so I did. I call MY invention Karefree Koffee Kup . For all you reading this, please send $3.45 to me every time you create/use your Karefree Koffee Kup. Enjoy! Please send all payments to my bank in Switzerland.
Oh Fletch. The world doesn't deserve brilliance such as yours. Well, maybe Texas does, but....
We've decided to go ahead and buy the cups in bulk ;-)
To play off of Cher's comment...I believe that if you sway your head back and forth while talking, it will appear to onlookers that you are merely singing along with the radio.
Okay, that's funny. Can I say that I feel sorry for you living in California?! :-) Starbucks sounds real good right about now!
Fletch, this is why I faithfully read your blog. You know how to make us all laugh!
Ahhhh funny! I got a ticket for not even using my phone and even proof I hadn't used my phone for up to 2 days prior to present to the court in CA. I still had to pay the fine! Judge refused to look at my phone bill/will full records. No texting. No calling. I was told later because CA is in dire straits re finances they will do anything to make the charges stick. Judge told me that people using their GPS systems will get tickets too if officer seems them hit any buttons on the dash while driving! $20 first offense but once they add all the fees and taxes your first offense will cost you over $200.
I could see where this was going before you got there. Thankfully in the heartland, we don't have those ridiculous laws yet...but I'm tuckin it in my brain for the day it comes!
OK, I'm thinking about this. what if I just use my traveling cup. Then I dont' have to buy or drink the coffee. Well, I'd drink the coffee, but I'd make it at home for cheap and put it in another cup. Maybe the cops would get on to me, and know that my silver cup has the coffee and my red cup has the phone. But I'm not paranoid.
There are people in the world who might cut the top off a water bottle and put their phone in there, since they don't like coffee. Course those people deserve the $200 fine, just my opinion. Or maybe I'll move to the Heartland where men are still men and freedom includes your cell phone and the right to mow people down while talking on it. Hey Fletch, this was fun. Give me another.
This is awesome! Nothing short of brilliant!
There was certain Tuesday last year when the cops had a crack down on cell phone users err people driving while using cell phones. The next day Mod Bee headlines read something like a financial record. I'm pretty sure I was number 5,014 of the tickted. Whatever.
So don't think I won't try this. And singing is a given.
I let Becky read this....she loved it!