Ridiculous Candy #15 - Urine Sample Candy

Tower of Sour Liquid Urine Candy
(Photo courtesy of candywarehouse.com)

Thanks to my long time reader Barb for helping to resurrect the Ridiculous Candy category here on theMangoTimes blog. By just reading the title, all of my readers should clearly recognize that this candy is absolutely ridiculous, right? If not, here are a few reasons it made theMT list:

First, I don't need to give my littlest kids any encouragement to joke about, giggle, or play with pee, poop, barf, farts and boogers. That is a default setting for most of our kids and I have no idea where they learned this behavior? Probably their mom. Probably not.

Second, Urine candy? Really? As a society, we do not need to create even the most remote possibility for an error to occur in our homes between urine samples and candy. I don't want to even go through the mental gymnastics of wondering if the vial I open up is candy or real, because an error here would really screw someone up for life. Example: This reminds me of a time when I was in high school and I was drinking a big glass of apple juice from the refridgerator. It had not been given time to cool down yet, so as I took a sip of the room temperature juice, my big brother (the long haired hippy) said, "Is that my urine sample I placed in the fridge?" I have not been able to enjoy apple juice since. Case closed.

Third, the website for this candy says: "Just unscrew the cap and enjoy! Wait until people see you drinking your own pee pee sample.... you've never had so much fun with a medical container." I'm not sure that my goal is to "have fun" with medical containers. Seriously, where are we heading with this idea? Chocolate brownies served in stool sample containers? Come to think of it, we have already blurred the lines between medical containers and having fun. We use Playmate coolers to hold ice cold six packs of Coors, but we also use Playmate coolers to hold human transplant organs enroute to recipients. Again, I don't want to ever confuse medical containers.

Thanks Barb for this bringing this one to the editorial staff here at theMT!

Quietly making noise,
Fletch 

Want to read about other ridiculous candies?
The Candy Cigarette
Pez Candy
or read about all of the candies we deem ridiculous by clicking here for the whole list.

ridiculous candy #12 - next to the last supper gum

Ah yes...after reviewing a variety of ridiculous candies, I think this one qualifies for a category all to itself: Blasphemous Candy.

Sure, when working at a candy company and it's time to name your new candy...why not search the pages of scripture for a witty title? After her recent candy purchases, Kendra arrived home with this little gem: "Next To the Last Supper Gum."

jesusgum1.jpg

"Blows perfect blasphemy bubbles"


For real double bubble trouble, they could have paved the path to hell a lot faster and just referred to it as "Jehovahlicious" or "Blood of Christ bubbly freshness." Actually, this is good gum to chew when using your "Pencil Top Jesus."

jesusgum2.jpg

"Savor the Savior's favorite?"


You also get this handy trading card. Note how "European Jesus" is holding the piece of gum which is shining...apparently it is illuminated with it's own minty freshness...

jesusgum3.jpg

"Gum to chew while you are being stoned"


This reminds me of those cheesy Christian tee-shirts which used to look like a Budweiser label, but instead said "Be wiser" and instead of the "King of Beers," it said "King of Kings." thanks Kendra...this gum wins the editor's nomination for most ridiculous candy!

Quietly making noise,
Fletch

PS...I just ate a piece and it wasn't bad at all, so i swallowed it

Ridiculous Candy #5 - Pop Rocks

This one could go under any number of categories: "Ridiculous Candy" or "Parental Myths" or even "the 1970's."  PopRocks had their genesis in the 1970's and they immediately jumped to the parental myth status as parents across America warned you about "the kid from iowa" that ate PopRocks with soda and...(all together now:)..."it made his stomach explode."

You can see how this myth so quickly became popular.  Seriously, this candy is essentially just tiny exploding acid pebbles.  I can remember pouring it on my tongue and then walking around letting them "pop out" of my mouth.  So the soda/exploding stomach story was pretty believable by a kid in the 70's.  You couldn't pull that kind of lie off today though...sheesh...my kids would be all over that lie like flys on stink!

I hesitate calling this ridiculous candy (because I like it so much), but it does have one qualifying factor: it sounds like a candy you would find in Willy Wonka's factory.  And it is in fact, absolutely ridiculous...exploding?  In what other situation does making the product "explode" help you to sell or enjoy that product?  "Exploding underwear?"  Ouch!  "Exploding eggs?"  Imagine the mess.  "Exploding bananas?"  Well...  This is nearly what happens when my two year old eats one...

As I add this entry to theMangoTimes it makes me want to rip open a package of cherry PopRocks and swig it down with an ice cold Coke...

Quietly making noise,
Fletch

Ridiculous Candy #4 - Pixie Stix

Jumbo Pixie Stix - It's as big as a 6 year old!

Jumbo Pixie Stix - It's as big as a 6 year old!

Do we even need to discuss this one?  Striped paper tubes filled with sugar and pinched off at the ends...hmmm?  Now here is the ridiculous part: parents buy this stuff!  Can you believe it?  I tell you it's a lot cheaper to just give the kids a spoon and the sugar bowl and let them go to town.  Realize I grew up in the 70's (

the best decade in history

if you ask me: Hello? Sid/Marty Krofft, Willy Wonka, etc...) and we used to take multiple pixie sticks and mix them together into a pile and then lick 'em right off the plate.

If this isn't dumb enough, the wizards in the candy kitchen then made a "Jumbo Pixie Stick."  What made this version different was the packaging and the size.  You see, these candy tubes were about two feet long and they were also made out of industrial strength space-age plastic.  Think about it...you have kids yanking their teeth on these plastic pipes to get them open (the teeth that were not extracted during the process of gnawing through the tube were then rotted to the gum by the concentrated levels of pure cane sugar!).

Quietly making noise,

Fletch