Ridiculous Candy #15 - Urine Sample Candy

Tower of Sour Liquid Urine Candy
(Photo courtesy of candywarehouse.com)

Thanks to my long time reader Barb for helping to resurrect the Ridiculous Candy category here on theMangoTimes blog. By just reading the title, all of my readers should clearly recognize that this candy is absolutely ridiculous, right? If not, here are a few reasons it made theMT list:

First, I don't need to give my littlest kids any encouragement to joke about, giggle, or play with pee, poop, barf, farts and boogers. That is a default setting for most of our kids and I have no idea where they learned this behavior? Probably their mom. Probably not.

Second, Urine candy? Really? As a society, we do not need to create even the most remote possibility for an error to occur in our homes between urine samples and candy. I don't want to even go through the mental gymnastics of wondering if the vial I open up is candy or real, because an error here would really screw someone up for life. Example: This reminds me of a time when I was in high school and I was drinking a big glass of apple juice from the refridgerator. It had not been given time to cool down yet, so as I took a sip of the room temperature juice, my big brother (the long haired hippy) said, "Is that my urine sample I placed in the fridge?" I have not been able to enjoy apple juice since. Case closed.

Third, the website for this candy says: "Just unscrew the cap and enjoy! Wait until people see you drinking your own pee pee sample.... you've never had so much fun with a medical container." I'm not sure that my goal is to "have fun" with medical containers. Seriously, where are we heading with this idea? Chocolate brownies served in stool sample containers? Come to think of it, we have already blurred the lines between medical containers and having fun. We use Playmate coolers to hold ice cold six packs of Coors, but we also use Playmate coolers to hold human transplant organs enroute to recipients. Again, I don't want to ever confuse medical containers.

Thanks Barb for this bringing this one to the editorial staff here at theMT!

Quietly making noise,
Fletch 

Want to read about other ridiculous candies?
The Candy Cigarette
Pez Candy
or read about all of the candies we deem ridiculous by clicking here for the whole list.

Ridiculous Candy #14 - Toilet Candy, #2

New and Improved Toilet Candy

You may remember this candy from an earlier post. However, I have included this posting for three reasons:

First, note they have modified the candy, now it is called "Sour Flush." Apparently, the candy makers were missing an entire population of toilet candy patrons. After thorough research (I'm certain!), it was discovered that the success of the plunger pop - candy toilet crystal phenomenon could reach even new heights if they made the candy sour! So, like many companies, they have merely taken the first candy and added a sour component (i.e. Skittles becomes Sour Skittles). I still think they need to come up with a chocolate component to be housed inside the plastic bowl! (Mmmm yumm! Would you mind if I barf just a little bit right now?).

Second, I included this candy because it was delivered to me after 12,000 miles of travel. A faithful reader named Rebecca found this tasty toilet treat in Singapore and carried it with her to a wedding in Holland, where she met up with Yvette who then delivered it the rest of the way to my dental office in California. How is that for international coverage?

Third, at the same time I received the international toilet pop, I was given the same candy to review by Mangoboy #3, who found it in our favorite seaside candy store. It was like a sign! I knew this one needed to receive a 2nd mention in theMT.

Sealed for freshness until ready to scoop and eat!

So, thank you to Rebecca for your submission (and Yvette for the delivery!) and Jack for finding it!

Quietly making noise,
Fletch

Ridiculous Candy #13 - Tapeworm Candy, again

The new and improved "gummy" tapeworm

I have already posted about this ridiculous candy before. However, it is apparent that the last version of this intestinal snack was so wildly successful that they needed to repackage this treat. They have made some changes with this new version, let's consider what has improved:

* It is no longer gum, now it is "gummy" - not sure if this is an improvement or not. I'll admit that gummy is more like a worm, but consider the marketing and sales opportunity they've lost. If they kept this as gum, they could try to sell kids on the idea that if you actually swallow the tapeworm gum you get to enjoy the whole seven years it lives in your digestive tract (just like real tapeworms!). They could even sell follow-up "Tapeworm Food" (TicTacs).

* It is now vacuum packed - total improvement, because now you get to see the real deal. This is not just a cartoon tapeworm on the front of the package. Now, you get the full visual experience before laying down your cash on the counter. I love how this is a lobular brown mass superimposed on a cartoon pink intestine - mmmm yumm!

* It is now Apple Flavored - Improvement, I guess...although what flavor is a tape-worm? They could have really wowed us and made it Cranberry Apple flavor (Crapple?).

* It is now 19 inches long - Total Improvement. I fully assume the next version to be bigger (think: pixie stix and then jumbo pixie stix).

I didn't take a picture, but the back of the packaging contains "Tape Worm Facts." Clearly, this candy should appeal to those of us in the homeschool crowd that love to learn in all situations (even when you are eating lower digestive tract themed parasitic candy): "Hey Mom! (with candy tape worm stuck to teeth), did you know that tape worms can grow up to 30 feet long?"

Quietly Making Noise,
Fletch

ridiculous candy #12 - next to the last supper gum

Ah yes...after reviewing a variety of ridiculous candies, I think this one qualifies for a category all to itself: Blasphemous Candy.

Sure, when working at a candy company and it's time to name your new candy...why not search the pages of scripture for a witty title? After her recent candy purchases, Kendra arrived home with this little gem: "Next To the Last Supper Gum."

"Blows perfect blasphemy bubbles"

For real double bubble trouble, they could have paved the path to hell a lot faster and just referred to it as "Jehovahlicious" or "Blood of Christ bubbly freshness." Actually, this is good gum to chew when using your "Pencil Top Jesus."

"Savor the Savior's favorite?"

You also get this handy trading card. Note how "European Jesus" is holding the piece of gum which is shining...apparently it is illuminated with it's own minty freshness...

"Gum to chew while you are being stoned"

This reminds me of those cheesy Christian tee-shirts which used to look like a Budweiser label, but instead said "Be wiser" and instead of the "King of Beers," it said "King of Kings." thanks Kendra...this gum wins the editor's nomination for most ridiculous candy!

Quietly making noise,
Fletch

PS...I just ate a piece and it wasn't bad at all, so i swallowed it

ridiculous candy #11 - candy ear wax

you can expect several posts about ridiculous candy in the near future. kendra and a few girlfriends traveled to sonoma county (just north of san francisco and over the hill from napa valley - think: beautiful, relaxing, etc...). there is only one thing the mangokids thought about when mom was gone: candy! that is because there is a huge candy shop with tons of ridiculous candy for sale.

"candy ear wax"

had they only thought of this in time, they could have included it as a package deal with this other tasty treat, but i'm pretty sure there is not a lot of cooperation in the gross candy fabrication industry.

on another note, i'm not sure what these candy wizards are thinking about by making edible candy out of bodily emissions. seriously? have you watched any preschoolers lately? they do just fine eating their own boogers, ear wax, finger nails, etc... i don't think we need to encourage them in any way, shape, or form. i've already got a few in my house that are finding those convenient nose holes and ear holes filled with a variety of hidden treats. i am not buying candy that mimics picking, digging and tasting...

quietly making noise,
fletch