In honor of Father's Day, I asked Mangoboy#1 to be a guest columnist for theMangoTimes. Here is what he came up with:
Dear theMangoTimes Readers,
As I was composing this list of eleven things that you don't know about my dad, I realized the complexity of this subject. You probably know (being the MT readers) that dad once came up with a quiz about himself which let out a few "secrets" about his life that I could have revealed here. For instance, you most likely know that he originally wanted to be a judge, not a dentist. You also probably know that he actually does not like mangos (shoot, that would have been a good one). And there are lots of other things that he has written about over the years on this blog/site, things which I could have used.
Needless to say, it has taken a lot of digging to unearth these ten secrets that you don't know about my dad. So, in honor of Father's Day, I present to you The Official List of Eleven Things That You Don't Know about My Dad/Fletch:
1. He goes into the strangest conversations with us whenever we give him a back/body/foot rub (for example, I remember one particular instance when we asked him why we couldn't finish the rest of a movie we were watching and he said, "Because the muffins ate dinner." Huh?). This, however, is very good for getting to play video games, as the answer will typically be what you want it to be (yes).
2. His favorite apparel for going to the grocery store is a ripped tie-dye t-shirt that he homemade and a pair of shorts with a hole in a very "uncomfortable" place. Oh yes, and let us not forget the orange sun bleached "Grumpy the Dwarf" hat.
3. When he actually plays my brother's and my video games, he does not take pleasure in the fact that he has passed a level. Oh no; he would much rather stay up for hours to beat our butts by getting an unbeatable high score.
4. He does not like chocolate and fruit combos.
5. His cooking specialty? French toast. But that's not all: when mom is gone at a retreat or something, he likes to "spice things up a bit" by making up his own food "creations" for our "enjoyment." To name a few, there were the "Pizza-dillas," quesadillas with pizza sauce in them, the "Pesto-dillas," quesadillas with pesto sauce in them, and lots of other "Blank-a-dillas" (we have lots of quesadillas when mom is gone, I notice).
6. He drives me around in an open-topped VW Thing at 6:30 a.m.every morning in the freezing cold and he sings (screams) at the top of his lungs to fellow work-goers with windows rolled down and he likes it.
7. He messed up his shoulder a few years ago and it still hurts him to this day.
8. He does these things that my brothers and I refer to as music stages. When he does these, he sticks to listening to one genre of music for like a month, and then he switches to another genre for about a month. For example, there was the "Foreign Music Month," composed mainly of Italian and Mexican music, which shortened to the "Mexican Music Month," which transferred to the "Classical Music Month," and so on and so forth.
9. He really, really likes to make up his own versions of popular songs (Happy Birthday, I had a Little Turtle, and others). These songs are typically about us (his kids) and they are typically not good. Like the ever popular "I know a girl named ____, she is very sweet. But when she takes her shoes off, she has real stinky feet." And the bad thing is that he's actually good at adlibbing or singing. Seriously, he should record some of these things. That would get him quite a few hits on the MT.
10. He has this lame joke that one of his friends emailed him and uses it on practically every patient that comes into his dental office. It goes something like this:
Gullible patient: Who's there?
Dad: I'm a pile up.
And now you can fill in the blanks (wait about five seconds, deep sigh accompanied with a few stifled giggles).
11. He's a better dad than your dad.
So there you have it: a list of eleven things that you never knew about my dad. Well, unless you're me, who has to live with him and endure this stuff every day. And who am I? Well, he refers to me as "MangoBoy #1" on the MT, so I'll stick with that for now.