theMangoTimes

Like other blogs, theMangoTimes has been asked to read and review books by different publishers. For the most part, I am asked to review books based on faith, family and children, yet I continue to remind the publishers that my reviews will always stem from a purely biblical perspective. Since most of the books I’ve been asked to review come from secular writers, it’s obvious I won’t always be in agreement, but I always do my best to find items that I think will be beneficial to readers of theMangoTimes.

I recently finished reading the book “The Purpose of Boys” by family therapist, Michael Gurian. This book is part three of a trilogy of books by the same author on the same topic. I did not have the opportunity to read the first two books, so I cannot comment on the overall theme that the author was creating, so my review is only of this book.

Overall
The intent of this book was to help parents answer the question: “What is the purpose of boys?” While working through this question, the author also tries to provide tools for the day-to-day questions that boys and parents of boys face.
In eight chapters, Gurian offers a collection of research, scientific evidence and practical suggestions for parents and mentors of boys. It was a very easy read. The research included was well presented and relevant to the topic discussed. It was presented in an easy to understand format that included both narrative and graphic information. The author’s opinions and conclusions were based not solely on the statistical evidence included, but on his own experience as a family therapist and observer. Did I like the book? Well, when it comes to parenting, fathering, or the raising of boys, I’m not one to suggest a secular book based on psychological research (more on that below), but for what it is worth, the book was a useful read and I did find some good practical help.

What Did I Take Away?
Let me begin by the basic outline of the book. I somewhat agreed with the first chapter which touched on the basic fact that boys without guidance and direction can and most likely will end up aimless. Scripture says that where there is a lack of vision, the people will perish. The same can be said of boys that are raised in vision-less homes. I see plenty of “adultulescents” today that fail to mature into contributing members of church or society. The following chapters contain a wealth of scientific evidence about the development of boys. Since I lean heavily on the sufficiency of scripture, the “evidence” from science or psychology will always be informative to me, but not life changing. Real life change comes from applying the truth of God’s Word to your life. Where science and scripture meet, I’m supportive…yet in my view, Scripture always wins! The final chapters were complete with insightful and contained practical strategies for raising boys. So, my favorite sections of this book were the questions included at the end of each chapter. This was the nuts/bolts of the book.

The reader is encouraged to engage his son/boy in dialogue over several weeks. The author also recommends more people get involved with these questions (grandfathers, mothers, uncles, etc…) I have nothing but praise for that advice.

Here are a few of the questions to jump start the conversation with the young man in your life:
What is the most important thing you did today?
What is the role of a man in today’s world?
What are the ways a man loves his family?
Who are your heroes? Why?
How do you want to help people?
Who is relying upon you right now for help, are you helping them?
What parts of life must you manage better to succeed?
When you think about the future, what scares you most?
What are your core values?

I guess what I liked about the questions, is that they are varied. These are not the questions we take on with our boys. As one who likes to engage his sons in good dialogue, I loved them.

What Did Not Work For Me?
Gurian states in his introduction that the mission upon us as we raise boys is this: “Nothing less than to help each boy develop into a creative spirit, a trustworthy friend, moral leader, and meaningful man.” Again, I tend to yield to the truth of God’s Word. Scripture declares that our mission for raising young men is to raise them in the fear and admonition of the Lord, so that they realize what the catechism mentions as their chief end: “to glorify God and enjoy Him forever.”

For a secular book from a secular author, I can accept it for that. But, I’m not looking at the secular book industry for help in raising my boys. It just is not the position I begin with when seeking help raising my sons. As a believer, I’ve been given a treasure chest of information. The Bible is fantastic, but most people that crack it open for the first time may be overwhelmed in what they find. Where should they begin? What should they read? Old or New Testament? There are 66 books and that can lead to a lot of choices.

Here’s a suggestion: King Solomon has been called the wisest man that ever lived. He also happened to write one of the books of the Bible. Solomon not only wrote the book of Proverbs, but he wrote it specifically to a certain audience. He wrote it to his sons, so that they might know how to live and how to think and how to react. So, whereas the author of “The Purpose of Boys” does a great job combining data and opinion to help the reader “guide their sons into finding meaning, significance and direction in their lives,” King Solomon wrote a book that was 31 chapters long to teach his son’s how to seek and attain true wisdom. Between the two, I’d choose Proverbs anyday…

Rank: 4 out of 5 mangoes
Recommendation: Great data and information provided. The practical advice given is immediately useful and well thought out. Personally, I would stick to God’s word as my source of advice on raising young men, but author Michael Gurian makes sense with his research and experience.

Quietly Making Noise,
Fletch

Posted on June 3rd, 2009 by Fletch
Filed under: uncategorized